Dancing the 3-2 step

Posted: August 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

Sorry for the downer of the last post. If you read it, I don’t have to tell you I was not a happy camper.

But it gets discouraging, life’s 3-2 dance: Three steps forward, two steps back.

I didn’t think I’d have the excuse of work to keep me from doing the things I’d committed myself to doing, but all my goals seem to have slipped out of my hands, at least for the moment. I’d planned to blog every day; over two weeks went by without a single post. I’d been tracking my food daily, but I’ve had so many other things to track that I let it slide, and now I find myself eating far too much once again.

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” I know that the story of the woman about to be stoned for adultery isn’t in the oldest extant  manuscripts, but I don’t care. If it isn’t accurate, it still illustrates a truth. We are all far readier to throw stones at others for sins we haven’t committed ourselves rather than look at the serpents we clasp close to our hearts, hoping others won’t notice.

So I hope that my confession of  backsliding isn’t just an excuse to continue doing the same damn thing again.

Last month was trying, what with the illnesses, injury and surgery. This month hasn’t been much better, except that I’ve started feeling overwhelmed by the constant challenges and, recently, the temptation to quit has started giving me its best come-hither stares.

What has stopped me from giving in? The progress I’ve made. I keep rubbing my upper arms, still surprised to find a little muscle there. My clothes are all on the verge of being too loose to wear, although I ate enough yesterday to make myself sick and bloated, so the smallest items in my wardrobe are a little snug. Much more of that, and I may stop. But right now, the progress is making me hang on by my fingernails when temptation comes to kiss my forehead.

I also twisted my left knee a week ago. It’s been swelling off and on, and I finally went to the doctor to see about it. A week later, and its still swollen. Naproxen and a stern “stay off the knee” from my fabulous internist, who then followed up with a threat of an MRI if its not better within ten days.

Luckily my husband was along, or I’d have taken the “no exercise” instruction as a death blow to my progress. But he asked, “What about upper body exercise?” She looked at him and replied, with no hesitation, “That’s fine.”   I wasn’t sure if I was happy or annoyed. No excuses for blowing off exercise.

Not that I really want to anymore. I like the feeling of accomplishment after I’ve worked out. I feel somehow diminished on days when I don’t get out in the sweltering garage,  strap on my t00-cool weightlifting gloves (silly, on some level, but the gloves make me feel like I might be able to kick some ass) and grumble, grunt and grapple for a while.

Hamlet, you asked the wrong question. It should have been “Who I’ve been or who I can be?” That truly is the question, every day we breathe.

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